Day 16

It's been a rough weekend. Friday, I was tired and neglected my blog in favor of having some down time after a long week. My plan was to blog Saturday morning. Then Saturday morning came along and I just wanted to try to forget about the fast. Saturday evening, I was ready to throw in the towel on the whole fast. I was ready to give up.
Tired of being hungry, and suffering with some changes that I made to my fast, I was feeling starved and de-motivated. And I was not near anything that I could eat.

When you make changes to a fast, the subtle things make a big difference. I am not too good at being subtle either, so I tend to make big changes. I guess I have a bit of an extreme personality at times. I am very 'results oriented' and adept and being patient with most everything except myself. So when my weight loss was steady last week, I began to want more, not being satisfied with the .6-.8 pounds per day that I was losing. I wanted to hit an even pound a day. In order to accomplish this I calculated that I would have to cut an additional 700 or so calories out either by cutting them from my diet or exercising.

So I set out Saturday morning with a goal of adjusting my caloric intake down to 300 just to see what it would feel like. If I didn't like it, I could go back. If I was okay with it, then I could maintain a modified diet moving forward. And by Saturday night, I was feeling the full force of the effect that this had, and it was not good. I was famished, burned out, and my blood sugar level had dropped. I was ready to go get a burger.

So I reached out for help. I shot off a text to my best friend who is a medical professional that has been monitoring my diet and encouraging me throughout. I told him how I was feeling and that I'd cut back to 300 calories. He proceeded to scold me for this (rightly so), and went on to encourage me to continue the fast, assuring me that I'd feel better once I got some more food in me. So we headed home and I took in an additional probably 300 calories. I felt right as rain once I did this, and was thankful for such a good friend to admonish and encourage me to complete my goal. I'm finding a good balance at about 500-600 calories a day now.

The problem that I'm having now is that I have essentially lost no weight over the weekend. I'm at 240 this morning, and was at the same weight three days ago. I think I may be retaining water as well though. A second change that I made to my diet over the weekend was to add an additional food component. I am now using some organic chicken / beef / vegetable broth in the evenings (organic is very crucial here as non-organic is packed with chemicals and MSG, which will make me hungrier). This is essentially flavored water with all natural ingredients, and is very low in calories. A meal of broth for me is about one to one and a half cups of broth, and contains between 20-70 calories. It is very filling, and allows me to break up the routine with something hot and savory that is all-natural and healthy without splashing my diet. However, the sodium is taking its toll, as I'm retaining quite a bit of water.

So the end result of my weekend is likely that I'm hitting my weight loss goal now, or getting awfully close to the pound-a-day that I would like to lose, but I'm not seeing the loss on the scale yet due to the water retention that my body is doing.

In reflecting on all of these happenings, I'm reminded of how destructive vanity can be. I was plugging along in my weight loss last week, and not I'm not so sure (at least I can't see the results on the scale, though I can see them in the mirror and in my belts). I began to think that I could do more... That I could push a little harder. Then end result was that I lost patience with myself and almost de-reailed my entire fast when I allowed my blood sugar to plummet with too few calories. I'm so glad that I had a good friend to help me get back on the path and stay the course. I need to monitor my ambitions carefully and allow for gradual changes when they need to be made. I need to be careful not to be vain in my ambitions.

Ecclesiastes 4:4-8 speaks to this well:

Again, I saw that for all toil and every skillful work a man is envied by his neighbor. This also is vanity and grasping for the wind. The fool folds his hands and consumes his own flesh. Better a handful with quietness than both hands full, together with toil and grasping for the wind. There is one alone, without companion: He has neither son nor brother. Yet there is no end to all his labors, nor is his eye satisfied with riches. But he never asks, "For whom do I toil and deprive myself of good?" This also is vanity and a grave misfortune.

It goes on to say:

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.


The moral of the story today is to 1) have good people around you to protect you from yourself when you're failing, and 2) keep your vanities in check... Sometimes a little, consistently, is more productive than a lot quickly.


~Until tomorrow