Day 10

The last couple of days have been really tough. I'm so excited that I've finally hit day 10- what an accomplishment even by itself for me.
But my weight loss has tapered, and I'm feeling hungry almost constantly. The best solution to this so far has been to distract myself from what I'm doing, and to keep busy otherwise.

As I hit this wall in my journey, the 40 day fast of Jesus is heavy on my mind. As you could understand, I'm relating to Jesus' challenge in a new way (as my stomach growls, emphasizing my writing here). Jesus went into the desert for his fast. That's just craziness to me first of all. That he could have done what I'm doing away from the comforts of home and a normal life astound me. At the end of the 40 days the bible says, he was hungry.

At this point in his desert fast, Satan comes to him and tempts him three times. All three of the temptations carried the same tone: use your power to serve yourself. The first temptation surrounded food- "turn this stone into bread if you are the Son of God", Satan tempted. Jesus rebukes him. Then, "worship me and I'll give you all of the kingdoms of the world". Jesus rebuked him. And lastly: "throw yourself down from the pinnacle of the temple if you are the Son of God- your angels will rescue you", and Jesus rebukes him again. Satan leaves.

These temptations are interesting. Food is an obvious one, but the second two are more ambiguous. You really have to be 'in Jesus' head' to understand these and realize their power. I'm not, so I won't try to dive too deep into these. But it appears to me that what they elude to is that Satan was testing the fullness of Jesus' identity as the Son of God... As if maybe he wasn't convinced of who Jesus was, and wanted to see if Jesus was convinced of who He was.

Fasting I'm finding, will certainly expose your true self to you. It breaks you down mentally, and forces you to know yourself. Your body is in constant contrast with your mind, and a battle of wills ensues. Their is a clarity of mind in this battle somehow that is peaceful though, and an ability to think well in that clarity that is beautiful.

I was told at the start of this that the first portion would be the worst- maybe for 10 days or so. I think that all of it may be difficult now that I'm 10 days in. However, the part that does get easier is finding the strength to carry forward and achieve my goal. Every day that I put behind me is another day that I won't have to repeat, and another step closer to my goal.

In this journey, I am learning more about myself, and about those that surround me through observation and contemplation. I am becoming a better, stronger me mentally, and a healthier me emotionally and physically as I continue to deny myself what I am craving. Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts- they are appreciated very much!


Until tomorrow~